Before Christians Divorce.....

Our culture seems to view all things, including family relationships as disposable and temporary. Under the popular philosophical system of utilitarianism, the highest good appears to be what works for me NOW. Thus people fall in and out of "love," they slip in and out of relationships almost as often as they change clothing styles.

Experience has shown that this is not good for families or society. Children whose parents divorce are more likely to have unwed pregnancy, to get into trouble with the law and court system and to get divorced themselves. Broken families are not what God intended when He ordained marriage. It is good to remember that marriage was God's idea, not man's.

Gentle reader, if you are divorced or separated, this article is not intended to bring you under condemnation. We are not here to judge you if you have divorced, or if your spouse has left you, or even if you are contemplating separation or divorce. Nor is this article intended as a theological treatise on the question of divorce. It is clear that God hates divorce. It is also true that despite hating divorce, God made allowance for it. When questioned by the religious leaders of his day, Jesus explained that God allowed divorce because people's hearts were hard.

DIVORCE COSTS~Divorce is hurtful, even the most civilized and "friendly" divorce. When a man and woman marry, they become one. There is a blending of body with soul and spirit. By entering into the marriage covenant, two independent and separate persons come together to become a new person. Spiritually, divorce is a severance, a destruction of that new person. The Bible describes divorce as a violent act.

Even the Common Law of England recognized the unity of two persons in marriage by establishing for married couples only a tenancy by the entireties. Under that form of property ownership, the entirety of the real estate or other property is owned by each person and this entirety cannot be divided or broken during the marriage.

In short, there is a price to pay in separating through divorce what God and man joined together in marriage. This article is intended as a pause on the road to divorce to allow you to contemplate the cost each party to a divorce must bear and to assist you in following Biblical principals in your difficult situation.

STEPS TO TAKE:

Meditate on the following scriptures, and ask God to give you light and wisdom in your situation: Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 19:3-9, Mark 10:2-12, Luke 16:18, Romans 7:103 and I Corinthians 7:10-17.

Pray. Be transparent before God and willing to confront your own contribution to the problems in your marriage. Ask God to change you. Bless your spouse and ask God to bless your spouse. Ask God to bless and strengthen your marriage. Ask Him to restore the love and passion and intimacy in your relationship. If your prayers are hindered either from unforgiveness in your heart or knowledge of your need to repent and seek forgiveness of another person, deal with it quickly.

Forgive your spouse. If this is a struggle for you, ask God to help you forgive. The first step in forgiveness is deciding to do it. Just keep willing to do it, until it becomes a reality. You may also need to ask your spouse to forgive you for your contributions to the problems in your marriage.

In the abundance of counselors is WISDOM. Get a different perspective on your marriage problems. Talk to your pastor. See a Christian marriage counselor, psychologist or family psychiatrist, depending on the nature of the problem.

Realize and accept that all relationships have seasons. The deadness of Winter is followed by the new life of Springtime. Realize too, that love is a matter of will, of intent and of commitment, not feelings. If you choose to love, you will love, your feelings will fall in line with your will. If  you commit to love your spouse and determine to act like you love your spouse, you will find that you will again "feel" love for your spouse. Similarly, if you choose not to love, your feelings will fall in line and you will cease to feel love. You will become cold and even callous toward your spouse. If you set your mind and heart elsewhere than toward your spouse, you have already stopped loving by your commitment elsewhere.  

Take initiative in working on problems. Engage in counseling by your self, if necessary. Change what is in your power to change.

Remember why you married your spouse. Focus on his/her positive attributes. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude for your spouse and the positive attributes of your spouse. Remember that according to scripture, finding a good spouse is receiving a gift from God. Treat your spouse with the honor and deference due him/her.

Count the cost. Look behind the idea that divorce will solve all your problems. Divorce is no panacea. Realize that divorce always brings its own problems. The divorce process can be not only financially but emotionally draining with endless hearings, wrangling over custody, support, visitation and property, mounds of paperwork, and mounting legal fees and expenses. After the divorce, if there is spousal support or custody, the wrangling may continue. You may find yourself attempting to parent you children long distance as they reside with your spouse.

Consider the consequences of separation and divorce carefully and be skeptical of friends who push you pell-mell toward separation and divorce, especially if they are separated or divorced. This represents a major life change for you, for your spouse and especially for your children.

REMEMBER, all it really takes to makemost marriages work is commitment and a willingness to change.

Copyright (c) 2007 by Perry Law Group PC. All rights reserved. You may reproduce materials from this site for your own personal use and for non-commercial distribution, provided all copies include this statement: this copyright material is taken from the VA Law Talk website and is reproduced with the permission of Perry Law Group, PC.