Our Perspective on Divorce for Christians

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#336666" TEXT="#080000" background="069b85a3.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" ><B>Perry Law Group, PC (formerly Perry & Bray, PC) </B></FONT><B>     |     </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Perry Law Group, PC (formerly Perry Bra"><B>home</B></A></div> <div>                                                   </div> <div> <B>3660 Boulevard, Suite K Colonial Heights, VA 23834 (804) 520-7060 (800) 866-3075, toll free in VA</B></div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=210 BGCOLOR="#336666" TEXT="#080000" background="06ad2b83.jpg"> <bR> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Perry Law Group, PC (formerly Perry Bra">Home</A></div> <div> <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Us">Contact us</A></div> <div> <A HREF="id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Us">About us</A></div> <div> <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Who Won? 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Under the popular philosophical system of utilitarianism, the highest good appears to what works for ME NOW. Thus people, fall in and out of “love”. They slip in and out of relationships almost as often as they change clothing styles. This is not good for families or society. Certainly this is not what God intended when he ordained marriage. (<A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Marriage">See P&B publication,  “Marriage a Biblical View”</A>) We must remember that marriage was God's idea, not man's.</div> <bR> <div>      Gentle Reader, if you are divorced, this publication is not intended to bring you under condemnation. We are not here to judge you if you have divorced, or if your spouse has left you, or even if you are contemplating separation or divorce. Nor is this publication intended as a theological treatise on the question of divorce. It is clear that God hates divorce. He is a covenant making, covenant keeping God. It is also true that despite hating divorce, God made allowance for it. When questioned by the religious leaders of His day, Jesus explained that God allowed divorce because of the “hardness” of men's hearts. </div> <bR> <div>      Divorce is hurtful, even the most civilized and “friendly” divorce. When a man and woman marry, they become one. There is a blending of body with soul and spirit. By entering into the marriage covenant, each of the independent and separate persons together become a new person. Spiritually, divorce is a severance, a destruction of that new person. The Bible describes divorce as a violent act. </div> <bR> <div>      Even the Common Law of England recognized the unity of two persons in marriage by establishing, for married couples only, a tenancy by the entireties. Under that form of property ownership, the entirety of the real estate or other property is owned by each person, and this entirety cannot be divided or broken during the marriage.</div> <bR> <div>      In short, there is a price to pay by separating through divorce what God and man joined together in marriage. This publication is intended as a pause on the road to divorce to allow you to contemplate the cost each party to a divorce must bear, and to assist you in following Biblical principals in your difficult situation.</div> <bR> <div> Steps to Take:<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Book Antiqua" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> Meditate on the following scriptures, and ask God to give you light in your situation: Matthew 5:31-32,  Matthew 19:3-9,  Mark 10:2-12,  Luke 16:18,  Romans 7:1-3,  and I Corinthians 7:10-17.</div> <bR> <div> Pray. Be transparent before God and willing to confront your contribution to the problems in your marriage. Ask God to change you. Bless your spouse.</div> <bR> <div> Forgive your spouse. If this is a struggle for you, ask  God to help you forgive. I have heard it explained this way. We must forgive our spouse. If we cannot forgive him/her as our spouse, we must forgive him/her as our friend. If we cannot forgive him/her as our friend, we must forgive him/her as we must our neighbor. If we cannot forgive him/her as our neighbor, we must forgive him/her as our enemy, as the Lord has commanded us. Research what Jesus taught about forgiveness. Of course forgiveness is hard, but God requires some hard things of us as mature Christians.                  </div> <bR> <div> In the abundance of counselors is wisdom. Get a new perspective on your marriage problems. Talk to your pastor. See a Christian Marriage Counselor,  psychologist or family psychiatrist, depending on the nature of the problem. However, be aware that if you talk to enough people you will eventually hear what you want to hear. Make sure you are hearing and heeding Godly advice. Some marriage counselors, even those claiming a Christian perspective, may place great emphasis on the opinions and desires of a spouse who wants to separate, regardless of the reason, and may show little concern for the sanctity of marriage.</div> <bR> <div> Realize and accept that all relationships have seasons. The deadness of Winter is followed by the new life of Springtime. Realize too, that love is a matter of CHOICE, not feelings. If you choose to love, you will love, and your feelings eventually will fall in line with your will.</div> <bR> <div> Take initiative in working on problems. Engage in counseling by yourself, if necessary.</div> <bR> <div> Remember why you married your spouse. Focus on his/her positive attributes.</div> <bR> <div> Look behind the idea that divorce will solve all your problems. Divorce is no panacea. Realize that divorce always brings its own problems. The divorce process can be not only financially but emotionally draining, with endless hearings, wrangling over custody, support, visitation and property, mounds of paperwork and mounting legal fees and expenses. After the divorce, if there is spousal support, or child support or custody, the wrangling may continue. You may find yourself attempting to parent your children long distance, as they reside with your spouse. Consider the consequences carefully and be skeptical of friends who push you pell-mell toward separation and divorce, especially if they are separated or divorced. </div> <bR> <div> Finally, remember that all it really takes to make most marriages work is commitment and a willingness to change.</div> <bR> <div> Finally, this is designed to give practical information and guidance for persons facing the possibility of marital dissolution, and is not a theological work. You should consult your own pastor regarding these issues. Divorce is treated differently by various Christian groups, and we do not wish to encourage divorce, and do not take it lightly. However, we do recognize that it may become impossible for couples to continue together, especially where there is serious domestic violence, a threat to, or sexual abuse, of children by a spouse. </div> <bR> <div> There are also innocent Christian spouses who have been abandoned by their spouse, or who are presented with their partner's adultery. In these cases, unfortunately, a Christian must face divorce as a possibility and seek seasoned pastoral and legal counsel. </div> <bR> <div> <I><B>These pages provide general information only, and are not intended to offer specific legal advice for your situation. Visiting this site does not establish an attorney-client relationship.</B></I><I> </I><I><B>Please note that we are licensed attorneys only in Virginia, and we do not purport to do business or offer advice outside of Virginia.  </B></I></div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>