Marriage

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#336666" TEXT="#080000" background="069b85a3.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" ><B>Perry Law Group, PC (formerly Perry & Bray, PC) </B></FONT><B>     |     </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Perry Law Group, PC (formerly Perry Bra"><B>home</B></A></div> <div>                                                   </div> <div> <B>3660 Boulevard, Suite K Colonial Heights, VA 23834 (804) 520-7060 (800) 866-3075, toll free in VA</B></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=210 BGCOLOR="#336666" TEXT="#080000" background="06ad2b83.jpg"> <bR> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Perry Law Group, PC (formerly Perry Bra">Home</A></div> <div> <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Us">Contact us</A></div> <div> <A HREF="id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Us">About us</A></div> <div> <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Who Won? 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It is a covenant relationship publicly made between one man, one woman and God for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family. It is important to God, who ordained and instituted marriage from the beginning. (Gen. 1:26-28 and Gen. 2:18, 21-25)</div> <bR> <div>      Marriage is a lifelong commitment intended to be a microcosm of the church. (Rom. 7:2, Mat. 19:6, Mat. 5:32, I Cor. 7:10-15) It is not to be entered into lightly or ill advisedly.  To enter into the covenant with the mindset that “if it does not work, there is always divorce”, is to be double-minded. Remember that a “double-minded man is unstable in all his ways”. This fractured thinking also reflects a lack of commitment. </div> <bR> <div> How can it be said that there is the thought of escape for anyone entering marriage with the proper solemnity? “Divorce” should not even be in the vocabulary of those who are married or contemplating marriage. Marriage should be contemplated prayerfully and with understanding. Realize that to endure, the foundation of a marriage must be Christ. “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it…” (Ps. 127:1, see also Mat. 7:24-27)</div> <bR> <div>      Expect to labor, because a good marriage must be built. Likewise, “Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. (Pro. 14:1) Each party has a role and a responsibility in the relationship. As each individual begins to fulfill his responsibility, the home is built.</div> <bR> <div> <B>True Headship:</B></div> <bR> <div>      A marriage and family, like the church, must have good government and proper order. There must be a chain of authority for the marital relationship to function correctly. This chain of authority is set forth in the scripture: “…I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” (I Cor. 11:3)</div> <bR> <div>      The “headship” concept has been abused and misused as a result of misunderstanding. Miles Monroe, an anointed teacher of God's word, says, “He that does not know the proper use of a thing, will abuse the thing.” We need to seek wisdom and understanding from God to properly use and not abuse authority. Remember, “…in the Lord, neither is woman independent of {without} man, nor is man independent of {without} woman. For as the woman originates {is} from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God.” (I Cor. 11:11-12) No one has cause to exalt himself/herself over another, especially his/her spouse. Christ must be first in all things, including authority in marriage. “He {Christ} is also head of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the first-born from the dead; so that He himself might come to have first place in everything.” (Col. 1:18)</div> <bR> <div> <B>The Role of a Husband:</B></div> <bR> <div>      As the head of a river is its source or beginning point, the headship role of the husband refers to him as the source or initiator in the relationship. The proper use of authority is to bring unity in the relationship rather than division. (Gen. 2:24; Eph. 5:31) The Apostle Paul in the letter to the Ephesians gives some insight into the responsibilities of marriage and the proper use of authority:</div> <bR> <div>             Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the</div> <div>             husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the </div> <div> church, He himself being the savior of the body. But as the </div> <div> church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their</div> <div> husbands in everything. Husbands love your wives, just as </div> <div> Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that </div> <div> He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of </div> <div> water with the word, that He might present to Himself the </div> <div> church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such </div> <div> thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. So husbands </div> <div> ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who </div> <div> loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own </div> <div> flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ also does the</div> <div> church, because we are members of His body. `For this cause a</div> <div> man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his </div> <div> wife; and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is great; </div> <div> but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.</div> <div> Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own</div> <div> wife, even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect</div> <div> her husband. (Eph. 5:22-23)</div> <bR> <div>      Careful analysis of this scripture shows that husbands are <I>commanded to love</I> their wives, whereas wives are <I>commanded to respect </I>their husbands. The love commanded of the husband is <I>agape</I> or covenant love, such as God has for us. Scripture makes clear that we do not earn the love of God. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. </div> <bR> <div> This means for the husband to love his wife, even when she is less than lovable. A husband is to sacrifice for her, even to give himself, lay down his life for her, just as Christ  laid down his life for the church. It is especially interesting that this is the only scripture that speaks of “self-improvement,” “self-esteem,” and “self-love;” and that self-love is defined by this scripture as the love of a husband for his wife.</div> <bR> <div>      This passage of scripture also illustrates the responsibility of the husband for the success or failure of the marriage. Paul quotes Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.” The word translated “cleave” in the King James Version is from the Hebrew <I>dabaq</I>, meaning “to adhere, to be glued, to stick, to follow (Ruth 2:8, 21) to be attached, devoted, to hang upon and thus express love, to make fast; permanence in adhesion, soldering or welding”. The husband is to glue himself to his wife; he is responsible before God for the maintenance of the union. That is why he has the authority. He needs the authority to fulfill his responsibility.</div> <bR> <div>      The husband is to nourish and cherish his wife. (Eph. 5:29) These are words not commonly used these days. Briefly, they mean that the husband is to promote the health and strength of his wife, to foster, care for her, and impart warmth to her. He must love her in ways that prove his love to her.</div> <bR> <div>      Peter's epistle commands, “You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so your prayers may not be hindered.” (I Pet. 3:7) This portion of scripture commands the husband to occupy the same residence as his wife, as in the same room or the same bed. But the word translated “live”, means more, and signifies to dwell down with, being closely aligned and completely at home with her. There is an intimacy, a companionship and a knowledge requirement involved. The husband must cultivate a “deep-down” togetherness and partnership with his wife. He is responsible to initiate this action and to encourage the process of intimacy, of sharing and caring, with and for his wife.  </div> <bR> <div> <B>Dwelling in Knowledge:</B></div> <bR> <div>      Likewise, this portion of scripture requires a husband to know his wife and dwell together with her according to knowledge. A man's success in marriage will be proportional to his knowledge of his wife. God requires a husband to develop a listening ear and a sensitive, caring spirit. The husband should know his wife's fears, cares, disappointments, expectations, scars, secrets, thoughts, and dreams.</div> <bR> <div>      This knowledge is not to be disclosed to others or used against her. This knowledge is to be used to encourage and support the spouse not to humiliate her, not to abuse her, not to dishonor her, not to manipulate her, not to intimidate her, not to control her. Moreover, the husband is to treat his wife with honor, that is, to assign her a place of honor. He is to demonstrate that he esteems and values her and that she is a precious treasure to  him. (Say it to her. Give her cards and flowers. Give her hugs and kisses outside the bedroom. Help around the house.) The husband  is to speak well of his wife always. Realize that the wife is an incubator, and she will receive what you give her and return it to you as a full harvest, just as she will receive your seed and return it to you as a son or daughter. God made woman to be responsive, and to the degree that husband's love (<I>agape</I>) her, she will return love (<I>phileo</I>) to her him.</div> <bR> <div> <B>The Role of a Wife:</B></div> <bR> <div>      As for the wife, it is important for her to understand that she and her husband are <U>equal as persons before God</U>, but <U>not equal in responsibility</U>. Wives must accept their area of responsibility in a right attitude, not with rebellion or competition. Both husbands and wives must remember that, as brothers and sisters in Christ in the church, we must all submit to one another. This submission is outlined first before a wife's submission to her husband in Ephesians 5.</div> <bR> <div>      The wife's responsibility is to cultivate a submissive spirit and to submit and yield to Christ. (I Pet. 3:1-16) Submission means to come under the protection of another. Rebellion and competition by the wife against her husband impair his ability to fulfill his purpose. Such actions are contrary to her purpose as his wife. According to Genesis 2:18, a wife should be a help, “meet” for her husband, or a help suitable or appropriate for him. The word help is in Hebrew <I>azar</I>, meaning to surround, to enclose, to protect. As the wife fulfills her purpose in helping her husband, she will also protect him against the snares and attacks of the enemy of his soul. She is to complement him. Sarah is a good example of a submissive wife. Study the example of Sarah and Abraham and ask the Lord for wisdom and understanding of biblical submission.</div> <bR> <div>      The Holy Spirit is our <I>paraclete</I>, our help and comforter. Wives are to help their husbands by comforting  them, just as the Holy Spirit comforts every believer. The word comfort comes from the Latin <I>con fortare</I>, meaning “to strengthen.” Amy Carmichael, a mighty woman of God , put it best, “God's comfort is never weakening. He leaves the soul He comforts stronger to fight, braver to suffer, grateful, not sorry for itself, keen to go on `to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.'” In like manner, wives should brace and strengthen their husbands against the attacks of the enemy.</div> <bR> <div> <B>The Virtuous Wife:</B></div> <bR> <div>      Proverbs 31:10-31 sketches a portrait of the virtuous wife. Verse 30 extols the woman who fears (worships) the Lord. That is a key to understanding the virtuous wife. She must be a worshipper. Everything of spiritual importance to her relationship with her husband and family flows from her relationship with the Lord. While developing that relationship she will be a trustworthy wife. She will cover her husband and protect him from the snares of the enemy.</div> <bR> <div> <B>     She will not attack her husband or do him evil, but will lift him up in prayer and with spiritual support throughout her life. </B>She will care for the needs of her husband and household by building up her husband and household and never tearing them down. She is not lazy, but remains diligent in all her affairs. She rises early to see that things are taken care of. She does not waste her time watching soap operas or engaging in gossip. She cares for her household; she stocks her kitchen and prepares food for her family.</div> <bR> <div>       The virtuous woman is actively involved in commerce, buying and selling, but not at the expense of her family. By the grace of God she is able to balance both her commercial acivities and her domestic responsibilities. </div> <bR> <div>      She is a good steward of her “talents” and all things entrusted to her, and invests wisely. She is active in her church and in charity work, and gives her time and money. She is pure and honest, strong, and honorable. She knows how to draw her strength from the Lord. She spends time in the Word of God seeking wisdom. When she speaks, she reveals her wisdom. </div> <bR> <div> <B>No Room or Place for the Enemy:</B></div> <bR> <div>      The marriage relationship is a covenant bond, not a dictatorship. Each partner has a role and purpose to fulfill in the marriage. Fulfillment of those roles results in a successful marriage and family. Failure to fulfill those roles creates a dysfunctional family. Neither partner is superior to the other, nor is either inferior to the other. The husband is his wife's covering, just as an umbrella covers and protects from the elements. </div> <bR> <div> The wife is the husband's covering, just as a scabbard protects a sword from rust and decay. “There is neither Jew nor Greek., there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. “ (Gal. 3:28, see also Gen. 1:27) Realize that once you marry, you and your spouse are one, even as Christ and the church are one. (Eph. 5:30-31) This is a unity, not to be broken lightly.</div> <bR> <div> Today, many seem to believe that a marriage is good only as long as it is convenient and enjoyable. When things become temporarily unsatisfying, many begin thinking immediately of divorce. Scripture and experience, however, demonstrate that a marriage comes with both rewards and difficulties. </div> <bR> <div> Marital difficulties should be viewed as challenges to be overcome with God's help. One may view marriage as a lifelong sea voyage. The final destination is far off, and there is no guarantee of smooth sailing. However, it is difficult to change ships in the middle of the sea, so a wise sailor knows the importance of maintaining good relationships and performing his tasks for the safety and satisfaction of all. And at the end of the voyage one receives the promised rest and reward.</div> <bR> <div> <I><B>These pages provide general information only, and are not intended to offer specific legal advice for your situation. Visiting this site does not establish an attorney-client relationship.</B></I><I> </I><I><B>Please note that we are licensed attorneys only in Virginia, and we do not purport to do business or offer advice outside of Virginia.  </B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>